KUALA LUMPUR, 10 March 2021 – Many women are afraid of taking the bold decision to leave unhealthy marriages as they are worried about the stigma they will receive from the surrounding community.

Psychologist from UCSI University, Assistant Profesor Dr. Zhooriyati Sehu Mohamad said the thought of being called a divorcee is horrifying to some women. As such, many of them forced themselves to remain in abusive marriages despite the physical or emotional abuses they have received.

“Generally, women are concerned about being called a divorcee. Many women in Malaysia, mainly Malays, are hesitant to act as they do not want to be viewed negatively. However, there another group of women who do not know how to leave abusive marriages, ” she said.

Dr. Zhooriyati, who is also the Head of the Psychology Department in UCSI University’s Faculty of  Social Science dan Liberal Arts, stated homemakers and unemployed women also suppress their emotions and remain in their marriages due to their dependence on their working spouse. She added this suppression eventually led the women into depression.

“Some women have been overly dependent on husbands and, over time, became less confident of managing their own life if they are separated from their husband.

“This emotional suppression is very harmful as it is detrimental to women’s physical and mental health. The longer they suppress, the more pressure they will receive. Eventually, this accumulation of pressure leads to depression,” She added.

She suggested everyone should learn to share their emotions with their closest peers to have a healthy lifestyle.

“From a psychological perspective, we should express our emotions with people closest to us and whom we can trust. The reason for this is people who express their emotions live longer, have positive social relationships, and have happier and healthier lives compared to individuals who suppress their emotions.

“People who do not express their emotions have pessimistic thoughts, which decrease their confidence, increase their suspicion of others, and made them more short-tempered. These things will affect people’s work performance and create more negative relationships,” Dr.Zhooriyati concurred.

According to her, a healthy marriage is a marriage where both parties have a full understanding and trust by communicating.

“To achieve a blissful marriage, couples should spend time together and share their stories. If there are problems, they should try discussing among themselves without any third party such as parents or other family members. This measure provides couples with the avenue to express themselves and find a solution to the problem.

“Secondly, the couple should be given time and space to relieve the tension. At this stage, the couples need space and moral support. If they cannot resolve the conflict, they can then seek a counsellor. They do not need to be embarrassed about meeting a counsellor. Many Malaysians, mainly Malay, are shy about meeting a counsellor. If they cannot resolve the problem, the couple can now take the necessary steps to leave the toxic marriage,” she said.

She further commented on the feeling of embarrassment for meeting a counsellor stemmed from inaccurate notions commonly held among society.

“For most people, if a person seeks a counsellor, that person was perceived as having a massive problem. As such, many of them were shy about seeking a counsellor.

“One of my clients said he felt intimidated by the stares he received in the department when he heads to the religious department to get advice from a counsellor. He felt as though he had committed a crime,” she said.